So, I worked 56 hrs this past week (have to get the OT when i can)....explains me being MIA, and being WIDE awake right now at 0318....the holidays are quickly approaching, and i can't wait to be home over xmas with my family and friends :) i have 7 more weeks here in stl...it's been fun, but it's that time again to start looking for my next destination! my plan is to keep heading west... (btw, anyone is welcome to accompany me on my cross country trips in the future :) i said i want to go somewhere warm in jan, such as the west coast...but i would also love CO, Salt Lake City..somewhere in the mts. austin, tx is an option too, which i would very much enjoy! wherever i go, it will be a blast- i will make the most of it!
On another note....Monday i'm getting my first tat! i'm excited and nervous at the same time! i will have to post a pic when it's all done :) this is going to be such a meaningful experience for me...nothing too fancy, or big...but very special to me. it's not something i'm getting for everyone to notice, but as a rememberance and honor and celebration of my dad and his life....all i can say, and what i have learned from losing a parent at such a young age is that you should never stop remembering or celebrating them, or anyone you ever lose in your life, as a matter of fact.
silence has a sound, that is for sure..
i've learned so much about these words over the past years. And everyone knows it's not because i'm always a very silent person! haha ;)
silence has a hugeness about it-- it can fill a room. it can fill a hike in the mountains (which is a beautiful thing to me) it can fill a family-- the hearts of a family, much like mine..it can be refreshing, and it can be destructive and secretly painful as well.
it was 10 years since i spoke your name Dad...
it was 10 yrs since my family ever really spoke about the life and the death of my dad. i remember all those thanksgiving holidays with my dad's side of the family after he died, being surrounded by all my dad's close cousins and aunts and uncles and sister...it was weird, nobody ever asked me, or my bro or sister, how we were doing, how we were getting along and living without our dad. and as sensitive as a subject as i'm sure it was for them, deep down i just wanted to hear about my dad, hear stories about him...but instead all the silence taught me to just forget, and to not think and to become numb....it really molded me...until i went to college, until i really discovered myself and who i was. i even had friends for so long that always wondered if I even had a father.. i became so acquainted with the silence, that i didn't even realize it was not normal.... i won't go on and on about this subject, but it is very close to my heart- it's something i can always talk about, and hopefully can use for the benefit of someone else's life.. (see comfortzonecamp.org)
i can testify to the beauty of conversation, and vulnerbility and falling on your face...
i've enjoyed seeing my family grow individually, and together over the past few years...my brother and i have had many of conversations that i will never forget, as well as my sister and mom...family is a work in progress- for everyone. don't ever lose sight of that, and don't ever take your family for granted...they are people that you will always have...it took my a very long time to realize all this, and to let go of resentment i never knew i had.
and i am grateful for all my true and loving friends who have helped me see in a better light, and have picked me up when i've fallen on my face ;)
thanks for reading my blog guys :) and think about me monday at 1:30...i can't be afraid of the needle..geezzz, i'm an ER nurse! haha
much love, and thumbs UP for another tiger victory today!!!